Archive for April, 2009

He may be old, but Federov still impresses.

April 30, 2009

I wasn’t able to watch this game because Versus sucks and Mediacom doesn’t provide it, so I was left keeping up with the game via Twitter. The video was posted this morning and all that needs to be said is: Wow, that old dude can play. OVI called it a “sick goal” and there’s no arguing wit that.

The second round is exactly what the media wanted with Ovechkin and the Caps facing Sidney Crybaby and the Penguins.

Oh yeah, this is going to be a good series.

Red Sox Owner John Henry has swagger.

April 29, 2009

jhenry-pimpsuphoesdown2

Red Sox Owner John Henry is pretty much a badass. He brought Boston their first World Series title in 86 years, effectively turned the team into the Yankees, and he knows how to spit game to land a girl 30 years younger than him. Don’t believe me? Read this love letter he had the balls to get published in Boston magazine:

Dear Linda,

A man needs a muse. Well, he doesn’t really. He doesn’t need nearly as much as he generally thinks he does. A man is greedy. Greedy for what he doesn’t think he has and what he thinks he wants.

We probably wouldn’t have wandered far beyond the basic necessities without that pushing us. Progress is one of its most important byproducts.

So you will ask, “Why are you writing this?” Because a brief encounter-and-a-half with you gave a cool spin to this little blue planet from my vantage point.

We feted the Celtics tonight and the skies opened. The sun emerged and created a giant rainbow between the city and the park. We were transfixed.
You only saw it if you were in the right place. I was in the right place when I noticed you.

I barely know you. I don’t have any illusions about capturing your heart. But the world is brighter, better, lighter and warmer when a man imbues a woman he knows-even tabula rasa-with the attributes I believe reside in you. It’s the small things that ultimately matter. The subtle things.

I am honest. I don’t play games. And I see no reason not to say that I’ve been smitten by you and you’ve done me a great service.

You’ve very innocently made my world brighter, better, lighter and warmer.

So thanks.

No response is necessary because a man doesn’t need nearly as much as he thinks he does.

You don’t have to read everything in the letter to understand what I mean when I say John Henry is a GD pimp.

Cardinals fans really want their cheap beer.

April 28, 2009

buschnobeer

The St. Louis Cardinals opened their new stadium in 2006, creatively named “Busch Stadium” (I say that because that was the name of the old one too). You’d think they would serve Busch beer there, but surprisingly, they don’t. From the River Front Times:

Until this year the “cold as a mountain stream, smooth as its name” beverage had been available at nearly all of the dozens of stand-alone beer vendors found inside the ballpark’s concourses. This year those same vendors only offer Budweiser, Bud Light and Bud Select. And they do so only in 16-ounce, plastic bottles that sell for $7.75.

When I asked a vendor Wednesday night where I could get a Busch beer, she informed me that only three locations in the entire ballpark serve the libation.

Today I received an e-mail from a public-relations firm representing Sportservice claiming that Busch is actually served in “10-15” locations in the ballpark. (You can now find St. Louis micro-brew Schlafly at nearly that many locations.)

You know why beer is so expensive at sports events? To encourage you to get drunk in the parking lot. What’s the point of drinking an expensive beer that sucks when you can upgrade for a dollar more? Dumbassery, that’s what.

GAME 7 IS TONIGHT.

April 28, 2009

Game 7 of the Caps-Rangers game tonight, and what seemed like an easy win for the Caps, will be much harder as Washington will be without Brashear. The NHL claims it was for a “pre-game incident” and a “late hit,” but we all know why he was really suspended: the man is just trying to bring him down. THIS IS MADNESS!

Wow, you really really suck.

April 28, 2009

Bruce Pearl wants Lane Kiffins wife. So do I.

April 28, 2009

As you can see, the University of Tennessee’s new head coach Lane Kiffin married an incredibly good looking woman. Her name is Layla and there’s a facebook group dedicated to her, proclaiming the UT first wife as being hotter than any other schools first wife. I agree with this. Bruce Pearl, who has a penchant for hitting on much younger women, is trying to figure out a way to get in her pants. Talking about Kiffin:

“I’m trying to date his wife. But that’s not working out too good.”

If anyone is going to break up the Kiffin’s marriage it’s gonna be me! And you can quote me that. Pearl should stick to his own playing field until he can actually bag Erin Andrews, like I already have.

No, I haven’t. I’m sorry for lying.

|Deadspin|

Mike Leach doesn’t appreciate the NFL. Like, at all.

April 28, 2009

Texas Tech Football

Before the draft last week, Cleveland Browns head coach Eric Mangini said he would be passing up on Texas Tech wide receiver Michael Crabtree, citing his attitude as the main problem. Truthfully, Mangini called Crabtree a “diva” and Texas Tech’s awesome head coach Mike Leach took offense to that. Here’s what he said:

“[Crabtree] has been more successful as a receiver than that guy has a coach at this point,” Leach said to the Sacramento Bee. “Part of the reason is he’s (Crabtree) too shy to be like that…Let’s see how all those non-divas do up in Cleveland this year.”

Doesn’t seem like Leach likes Mangini all that much. Now Leach is going after the teams that didn’t draft his spread offense star quarterback, Graham Harrell (that means everyone). Harrell eventually got picked up by Mangini’s Browns (no pun, but they are a lot like pinching loaves).

“The truth of the matter is that the NFL drafts quarterbacks notoriously bad,” Leach told the paper. “That’s indisputable. …

“I don’t have an answer for why they don’t have a skill for drafting a quarterback. Well, I think the priorities are out of order. Accurate and makes good decisions needs to be a priority, not something they need to teach him, because they don’t do that very well.”

I’m going to take Leach’s side not just because he’s the most badass coach in college football, but because he’s damn right. You want to know why spread offense QBs never play in the NFL? Because they never get the chance. It’s not hard to name 10-15 shitty quarterbacks playing in the NFL but all of the franchises they play for still think it’s somehow going to work. Someone start a petition or something (hell if I’m gonna do it).

|With Leather|

Redskins Draft Wrap-Up: Orakpwnd.

April 28, 2009

DC Sports Bog: Steinberg has some fast facts on the Redskins first-round pick, Brian Orakpo. Personal favorite:

He uses boxing as an offseason conditioning drill, once telling the AP that “When I first started I didn’t know how hard boxing was. Street fighting and boxing are two different things.”

Kevin Barnes hits hard: With the 80th pick, the ‘Skins took Kevin Barnes, a cornerback from Maryland and if the video in the link says anything about his play in the NFL, some receivers may get a little sick to their stomach going up against him. Did I mention he ran a 4.49 at the combine? Yeah, that’s fast. Oh and he scored a 41 on the Wonderlic. Yeah, that’s smart.

Pick 158: Cody Barnes won’t need to scalp tickets with a league minimum ($285,000). Scalping tickets is an NCAA infraction but Barnes was found NOT TO BE AT FAULT (I want to point this out to be ‘responsible’).

Not this Robert Henson: With the 186th pick, the Redskins took, drum roll please, Robert Henson LB from TCU. Marcus Washington is gone now and the ‘Skins need a backer to fill his shoes. He probably won’t play as a rookie in the starting roll but can add depth on a great in the coming years. TCU had the second ranked defense in the NCAA and Henson was a big reason for that.

“Decent Athlete”: Hogs Haven was nice enough to say the 221st pick, Eddie Williams, is a “decent athlete.” I take offense to this. The author is most likely a mediocre athlete who only played four downs during his high school career when his team was down 47 points in his last game.

Pick 243 Marko Mitchell: I had the chance to see Marko Mitchell in person this season and he is exactly what NFL.com says about him: “one of the country’s most feared threats.” Mitchell had a number of catches including a 60-yard play to finish the half, which is the second highlight in this video. He jukes Willie Moore on the three-line and you try feel bad for Moore.

Undrafted Free Agents (Washington Redskins Blog): The ‘Skins picked up 15 UFAs including spread-offense guru/potential assistant coach Chase Daniel out of Mizzou. The team also looked at Mizzou’s other quarterback Chase Patton (now on the Bears) and Graham Harrell (now on the Browns) but ultimately decided on Daniel. My thought as of now is the ‘Skins cut the veteran Todd Collins and Daniel and Colt Brennan fight for the back-up. In full disclosure, I’m a big Colt Brennan fan and would hope he takes the starting role over Jason Campbell.

BOOM! That’s all for this wrap-up. Looking forward to the 2010 Draft!

DON’T TASE JAYSON WILLIAMS, BRO.

April 28, 2009

jayson-williams

Former mediocre New Jersey Nets player Jayson Williams had a quiet weekend in New York. He spent a few nice days in a luxurious Manhattan hotel, just relaxing and drinking orange juice out of the mini-bar.

That’s actually not true. Jayson Williams trashed his room and got tased by the police. From The New York Daily News:

The 6-foot-10 former All-Star called his mother around 1 a.m. Things quickly went downhill as he became distraught and apparently started downing sleeping pills and anti-depressants.

A worried woman called cops around 4a.m., possibly from the room. Police smashed down the door to get inside.

The towering, 325-pound star fought back and police had to use the stun guns to subdue him. It took two sets of handcuffs to restrain him, cops said.

“He was barricaded, drinking, taking pills. He was overwhelmed,” a police source said. “It all came crashing down.”

Cops found several suicide notes, including a message scrawled on the wall.

This just gives Williams another chance to spend more time in court, a place he seems to call home these days. Williams is facing a re-trial for manslaughter in the 2002 murder of his chauffeur and going through a woman-who-doesn’t-love-you-and-wants-all-your-money.

Williams was found with five prescriptions, a hypodermic needle and human growth hormone in his room. Don’t know why he would still be taking HGH considering his playing days have been over for a while. I’m guessing he shoots up the HGH, tries on a dress, thinks he looks fat in it, then trashes the room before the cops kick down the door and lay down some whoop-ass on the former NBA star. That sounds about right.

Carl Edwards got f*@%#&d up!

April 27, 2009

I’m assuming all my readers are exactly like me and watch any type of Nascar coverage they show on TV and can’t wait for Sundays to watch the actual races. Actually, I should assume all my readers can decipher sarcasm in my posts. Anyways, Nascar rolled into Talladega this past week and it all culminated with a crazy crash on the last lap of the race as Carl Edwards car got absolutely DESTROYED after getting a bump from the eventual winner Brad Keselowski (who’s name I can spell because of the luxury of copy+paste). Keselowski was not at fault for the wreck because Edwards had gone below the one of the white lines (sorry, I don’t know Nascar rules), and actually pointed that out at least five times in the post-race interview. I just wish something like this could happen every week, because I would definitely start watching Nascar consistently.

Talladega is known for it’s crashes and Edwards slam into the fence wasn’t the only big crash of the day. Check this out: