Weekend wrap-up: THREE new champions and I missed them all. G’damnit.


I suppose it’s wrong to give you a wrap-up on a weekend of sports I didn’t even have a chance to watch but I’ll do it anyway.

Friday: I worked, Penguins won. Double fml. Not cool. The Stanley Cup and the Lombardi trophy now reside in the same city, which is cool if it were any other place than Pittsburgh. I bet those silly western Pennsylvanians think their Pirates will win as well. HA! HA I SAY!

The game 7 did bring in an audience of 9.07 million views on Friday, which is a big plus for a league that has been struggling for ratings since the lockout. It usually gives me chills the second a team wins a championship, but I really didn’t feel anything this time. I really hate the Penguins that much. I’ll at least be courteous and say congrats on winning it all.

Now back to making fun of them:

Crosby and Malkin: 2 girls, 1 cup.

Saturday: The Hershey Bears took down the Manitoba Moose (Meese?) for their record-setting 10th Calder Cup! I wasn’t working but I expected to miss this one 1.) I’m 1,000 miles away 2.) The AHL doesn’t exactly televise games. This win is important (at least to Capitals fans at least) because both of the Caps minor league affiliates have now won their respective league titles. The ECHL South Carolina Stingrays (like AA) also won their third Kelly Cup, which also happens to tie the record for the league! Congrats to all!

Sunday: Once again, another championship game I couldn’t watch. I had work. FML. The Lakers were able to finish off the series in Orlando with a 99-86 win.

Kobe won his first without Shaq and Phil Jackson is sure to still be smoking one fat-ass cigar in celebration of his record 10th NBA Championship. Phil Jackson may be the greatest, but I swear to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, if I hear ONE person comparing Kobe to Jordan, prepare for a beatdown. Be warned ESPN commentators. I know you’re stupid, but don’t make it obvious to the whole GD world.

In other news, Los Angeles, the city of Angels, burned to the ground last night. No, not because of rioters, but because Satan finally got his wish.


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