Archive for the ‘baseball’ Category

The story of Doc Ellis and the LSD no hitter.

November 12, 2009

Hey, remember Doc Ellis? Of course you don’t, he wasn’t a particularly memorable pitcher although he does have a place in baseball history. Ellis pitched a no hitter for the Pirates on a day he didn’t even think he was supposed to play. Why? Because he took some LSD.

Ellis died last December at the age of 63 and gave a great account of the events leading up to the game. Well done video and absolutely hilarious.

Luckily, he didn’t end up in an RV bathroom for three days. (Anybody?)

[via FanIQ]

The Twins Have a Good Moving Company.

November 11, 2009

The Twins crashed out of the playoffs this year against the Yankees in the ALCS, leaving behind the Metrodome for their new park, Target Field. Things obviously have to be moved to the new park (but not the crap they sold off to desperate fans) including, hey look its Joe Mauer in bubble-wrap. Yeah, you should probably bring him with you. Michael Cuddyer and Joe Nathan also made the trip in the back of the truck.

Oh, and for some reason a White Sox fan got in the back of the truck for the move too.

One question though, what’s with Minnesota teams moving their stadiums outside. The University of Minnesota moved their football field outside and now the Twins? I understand the home field advantage aspect, but it is absolutely FREEZING up there.

As for the Metrodome, I expect them to simply implode it. That’s so weak, imploding stadiums is so played out. May I suggest an EXplosion? How badass would that be?

You know you’re from Philly if…

October 23, 2009

Phillies fans have continued to show why they’re such a great, respectable, high class group of people.

I’m just kidding, they’re still drunk and making fools of themselves.

Here’s to hoping the Phillies win the World Series again. Then shit is going to get real.

[via FanIQ]

Phillies fans give you two funnies for the price of one.

October 22, 2009

So the Phillies completed their NLCS series over the Dodgers, 4-1 last night and boy are they excited. Not only did the fans boo Ernie Johnson during the trophy presentation, they also gave the rest of the country more reasons to laugh at the dump that is Philadelphia.

See video above: While celebrating, the fine young lady being interviewed drops the F- bomb on live TV AND with the power of split-screen, we learned why it’s not smart to celebrate your teams win by jumping on a taxi. That reason? Taxi drivers (or any driver for that matter) don’t want a bunch of dumb drunks jumping on their car. Solution? Drive away with said dumb drunks on top of the car. Effect: hilariousness for all.

Keep it classy, Philadelphia.

[via FanIQ]

This is why I’m not a Yankees fan.

October 20, 2009

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Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap: The Mighty Pirates Story.

September 9, 2009

Here’s a guest post from Mizzou’s own Pat Henseler chronicling the fall and fall of the Pittsburgh Pirates and how they need their own inspirational movie character to lift them up.

Photo courtesy of MajorLeagueJerk.com

Photo courtesy of MajorLeagueJerk.com

17 up, 17 down. That’s not a breaking story about a perfect game going on in the sixth inning. That does stand for the seventeenth straight losing season for the Pittsburgh Pirates, which was clinched this Labor Day.

Seventeen seasons? Seriously? Damn, even the “Bad News Bears” and the “Kekambas” stumbled into winning seasons with downtrodden drunk gamblers as coaches. And it took an old-school chain smoking badass manager like Jim Leyland to give the Pirates a chance back in the late 80’s and early 90’s. The Pirates last winning season was in 1992 with a team that included Bobby Bonilla, Barry Bonds, when his body didn’t resemble Conan the Barbarian, (“The Killer B’s”) Stan Belinda, and Doug Drabek under Leyland. After leading Game 7 of the NLCS 2-0, the wheels fell off the bus and the Pirates lost for the second straight year to the Atlanta Braves.

The next year Bonds, with his biceps still not the size of King Kong’s, took a big free agent deal out in San Francisco and the team went through a “rebuilding phase” that seemingly has never ended. To this day Pittsburgh, a proud sports town boasting the current champs in both football (Steelers) and hockey (Penguins), hasn’t seen a winning season for its’ Pirates. They came close in ’97 and finished second in a weak NL Central, but still lay below the .500 mark. The current Pirates 17-year losing streak is the record high for any American sports franchise, ever.

In July of 2001 general manager Dave Littlefield was installed and followed his boss’ order to radically reduce the team’s payroll. He made a huge move during the 2003 season, for the Cubs, and traded severely underrated third baseman Aramis Ramirez for almost nothing in return, but a salary dump. The move gave the Cubs a star and nearly led them to an appearance in the World Series if not for an eighth inning collapse against the Florida Marlins.

Littlefield then traded away Giles, but for an honestly acceptable return of Jason Bay and Oliver Perez. After Littlefield was fired in 2007, new GM Neal Huntington began his cost-cutting career as a Pirate employee. He has been giving away decent MLB talent at alarming discounts. I’m almost positive I could get him to trade me Zach Duke and Andrew McCutchen for my iTunes library, including the Eiffel 65 record I own.

This Pirates team only has four players on their current roster that began the 2007 season with the Pirates. That is absolutely embarrassing. It’s understandable if they couldn’t retain some players because of the future price of their contracts like Jason Bay. But why trade Nate McClouth, Nyjer Morgan, Adam LaRoche, Jack Wilson, Freddy Sanchez, John Grabow, and Tom Gorzelanny all in the same season? My only guesses are that Huntington wants to A.) be fired as quickly as possible so he doesn’t have to watch this terrible Pirates baseball any more B.) thought the goal as GM was to make your team worse C.) wants even less Pirates fans than when he came to the team or D.) is acting out some sarcastic live piece of modern performance art to display how we buy and sell ourselves as capitalists or some shit.

Huntington even admitted to the team web site recently that, “We in the front office own the 17-year losing streak. We are a part of it. These players, their job is to get better on a nightly basis and to consistently win games. Their job isn’t to worry about how we’ve lost for so many years.”

I’m sure it seems hopeless as a Pirates fan, if there are any of you left, but I think it’s time for your front office to get creative. If for some reason they read this, I hope my one idea could get some creative juices flowing at the very least. My belief is that they should follow their personal history as well as the plot lines from countless Disney or family oriented sport movies. In other words: Find their own Gordon Bombay!

Essentially, my theory (based solely on feel-good movies and how big of a badass I view Jim Leyland as) is that the Pirates hire some coach or former player that has truly messed up and must complete community service in some way. (Another major plus is they don’t waste their small payroll on a coach if they take a court ordered one). Now this court appointed coach could have done anything from getting a DUI to having huge gambling debts to dog fighting. All that matters is that he hates kids and as given up on the sport that once gave him everything.

The next step is to have one of the player’s moms scold said coach for not giving a shit during the first practice. The coach must also receive a vibe from this mother that a future relationship could develop. Then with mixed feelings of attraction for this mom and the advice of some shady, yet deep thinking friend this coach will begin to truthfully coach the rag-tag team, the Pirates are sure to put out there. And by giving these kids a chance and being blown away by the resourceful use of their somewhat lacking athleticism the coach will be born again into his original love for the sport.

Of course there will then be the inevitable injury to the actually gifted athlete on the team and a disappearance of the coach for an important moment of the organizations choosing due to a drinking episode or some other vice as they see fit. Even with those setbacks the team should be able to use some of their guile to muster at the very least a winning season following an awkward, yet inspiring speech ending in tears and/or hugs. And to tell the truth a season like that would most likely be gratifying enough to the fans in Pittsburgh to at least sell a couple hundred tickets to some home games. And leave room for the sequel.

Youtube video of the day. Daniel Murphy shines.

July 9, 2009

The Mets have had some embarassing fielding efforts as of late, but this play by Daniel Murphy was absolutely remarkable. Check it out for yourself.

Nationals fans shame Sox fans with a trip to the gay side of the District.

June 25, 2009
And now... we kiss.

And now... we kiss.

Everyone loves bashing the Nationals for failing all season long, on and off the field. Well the Nationals fans struck back at the Red Sox fans that were in town for their three game set with the worst team in the league.

But a bad record doesn’t mean Nats fans can’t be hilarious. I’ll be wearing my curly W hat with pride (as I do everyday) because of these guys on the MLB forums. Enjoy the read:

risoxfan74: Hi Everyone, I’m coming in this week for the Sox series. Are there any decent sportsbars near the ballpark? Thanks again!

PowerBoater69: There’s only a beer garden next to the park, you’re better off up the street on Capitol Hill, Remingtons (639 Pennsylvania Ave SE) is a NE Patriots bar so they’ll probably have a large Red Sox crowd this week.

PowerBoater69: As a bonus this week the Bullpen will be filled with ugly women who can’t dance and have grating accents.

risoxfan74: Thanks so much everyone. Enjoy the games this week!

professorx: I am also coming to the 3 game series for the Sox. I think its great that other cities have bars for Sox/Pats fans. Does the bar you mentioned in Cap. Hill, Remington’s, usually have a good showing of Boston fans? Or is it usually kinda quiet with not that many fans there? Either way I will give it a try since I will be staying in the Cap. Hill area. Thanks for the heads up and good luck to a fun series.

Angelossux: There is a bar on 8th street, on Barracks Row,not far from the stadium,which I think all Boston fans will feel very comfortable in. It’s called Phase 1 and is very nice.

professorx: Hi everyone and thank you all for the helpful tips. i just wanted to let all Red Sox fans and Nationals fans if they want to join us in some pregaming fun at one of the mentioned bars. My hotel is in the Cap. Hill area so I think i will probably start out at the bar called Remington’s and then see how it is and go from there.

PowerBoater69: I walked by Remingtons yesterday and I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many Red Sox fans in one place other than Fenway.

And then after the game…

professorx: You Nationals fans are pretty funny. I went to Remington’s yesterday only to find out that it is a bar only for guys if you catch my drift. I pounded my drink and got out as fast as I could. On the way out I was fortunate enough to get Adam Dunn’s and Ryan Zimmermans autograph a they were there getting something to eat for the game. lol (last part is obviously false) Good luck in the next two games. oh and by the way Phases bar is no better

Good work boys.

[via FanIQ]

What a good fathers day. Yankees dad brawls.

June 22, 2009

Everybody talk to their dads and wish them a happy fathers day yesterday? I did, eventually. I actually left my dad a message at one in the morning saying happy birthday. I called him again later (and less drunk) to see what he was upto. He had watched the F1 race and planned on spending the day on the SPEED channel.

One thing he didn’t do was get in a fight at a Yankees-Marlins game. I hope. The dad in this video did and will have to pay the price by writing check to a therapist for the next 15 years. Good luck with that.

[via Deadspin]

FIRE MANNY ACTA Day 15: The Nationals are proving me wrong. Poop.

June 22, 2009

FireMannyActa-Day2

When I started the FIRE MANNY ACTA campaign, I was pretty sure the end day way near because the team had only won 15 games and a certain Fox Sports reporter/noted dbag and spray-on tan aficionado filed a report saying an “inside source” told him Acta was facing his final days.

Four wins against the NY Yankees and a couple more against the Blue Jays and Acta still calls Anacostia his place of work. Thanks for making me look stupid. Thanks a lot.

Acta still has his job and probably will until at least the all-star break. I think he still will be axed sometime soon. Discussing a possible reason that he didn’t lose his job before this streak: The Lerner family may be trying to pull some “we don’t let our drama play out in the media” by holding off on firing Acta until the dust of Rosenthal’s report has settled. Which is hopefully soon.

FIRE MANNY ACTA! I stand by my original beliefs.