Archive for the ‘FAIL’ Category

This semi-pro football player probably won’t go pro.

November 2, 2009

I tend to think semi-pro football is for people that are just trying to hold up their hopes and dreams while working at a convenient store and would love for someone to find a player that has actually made it to the big show from there.

This furthers my case.

Mauriece McIver makes a great tackle on the punt return, stopping the Las Vegas Cobra player from finding his way into the end zone. The only problem? McIver plays for the Cobra’s. Yeah, you may want to rethink your life goals.

What makes this video so much better is the Cobra’s website. It’s fantastically bad and deserves a Webby for the worst website ever. Or the best. Depends on who you’re asking. The best part has to be the teams theme song in MIDI form on their website: I love it when you call me big papa by B.I.G.

Hey, maybe I do love semi-pro football but probably just because it’s hilariously bad.

[via Deadspin]

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It’s “umpossible” to guard DeSean Jackson.

October 27, 2009

DeSean Jackson had a monster game against the Redskins last night with two catches for 69 yards and a 67 yard reverse that he took all the way to the end zone.

After seeing this video, it’s obvious you don’t need to perfect your english skills to play in the NFL. A graduate of Cal-Berkeley, you would think he would know the difference between real words and fake ones, but umpossible? Wow. Just wow. I’m surprised WordPress would even let me post this without asking me if I’m serious.

This is why I’m not a Yankees fan.

October 20, 2009

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Welcome to Redskins Anonymous.

October 19, 2009

Watching the Redskins lose to the Chiefs yesterday was another validation that the team obviously has not reached rock bottom yet. The loss to the Lions was bad, but losing to a Chiefs team that has shown little to no promise this season was considerably worse.

Jim Zorn was stripped of his play-calling duties by the equally blame-worthy Vinny Cerrato. Sherm “Extra Eyes” Lewis will now be in charge of all offensive play-calling.

Times like these I really wish Danny Snyder didn’t have a no comment policy during the season, because many people are wondering why such a little man would strip the balls away from a coach that he went out of his way to hire.

Why not fire Jim Zorn if you strip him of offensive play-calling when he was brought in as an “offensive mastermind?” It seems necessary at this point to simply fire Zorn, promote Greg Blache to interim head coach and putting Lewis at the helm of the offensive unit.

The video above is of comedian Danny Rouhier joining Redskins Anonymous, a group for all Redskins fans to vent their frustrations and realize that the Redskins really love bringing in and playing incredibly shitty players.

And now some links from the Redskins apocalypse:

Redskins Season Quickly Devolving Into Roland Emmerich Film [Deadspin]

Scenes From the Burgundy Revolution: Chiefs [DC Sports Bog]

Campbell discusses benching, future [Redskins Insider]

Jim Zorn presser: “I’m going to comply with that.” [DC Pro Sports Report]

Bonus video from DCPSR

Jim Zorn Implies That He Was Told, Not Asked, About Play-Caller Change [Mister Irrelevant]

Head Coach Jim Zorn: “I Want To Win” [Redskins Blog] [WARNING: DAN SNYDER OWNED MEDIA]

Washington Redskins Front Office – Step 1: Admit You Have a Problem [Hogs Haven]

Zorn, Cerrato’s fates apparently are intertwined [Pro Football Talk]

Rock bottomless [Thomas Boswell of The Post]

Next Monday night is going to blowwwwwwwww.

Mitch Albom wants to take away your freedom.

September 30, 2009

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If you’re a regular reader of T9C, you may remember a post about some drunk Lions fan getting into an altercation at Ford Field during the Vikings game two weeks ago. The situation was obviously a bit out of hand and after watching the clip, Mitch Albom has something to say about it: Tailgating should be banned. [via The Big Lead]

But, meanwhile, make no mistake. The fists may fly in the stands. But they get lubricated in the parking lots.

This will not make me popular with Budweiser, Miller or millions of parking lot drinkers, but what is the point of going to a football game for the expressed purpose of getting wasted? It’s one thing to be out at night and one beer leads to another. But when you get up at 8, are parked by 9, and are three beers deep by 10, you have issues.

I blame the tailgaters, but I also blame the teams — pro and college. By encouraging a seven-hour drinking experience, football now sees its stadiums marred with behavior like this past week’s wildly popular YouTube moment (billed as “Two Drunk Girls Kicked out of Vikings vs Lions Game”).

You’re right Mitch. It’s not the sheer stupidity of those involved, it’s all about the alcohol. I’ve got an idea: How about total prohibition! That would be splendid indeed! I’m so glad you were able to use your masters in journalism to stage a nationwide intervention. How noble of you!

Some people obviously have drinking problems, but what’s the difference between drinking in a parking lot on the weekend with friends and fans or drinking your life away at the end of the bar. Simmer down now, sir.

Some of my favorite moments in life have come from tailgating with my friends and fans of the teams involved. It’s not just about drinking (although it does make the situation a bit more festive) but about hanging out before the game, talking football and the overall atmosphere.

The bottom line is that football is entertainment and just because some people prefer drinking in parking lots before watching their favorite teams play instead of spending hours upon hours in a cramped bar droning on about how work was is not a reason for you to interject.

So to you, Mitch: Stop acting as if you a savior and reformist. You are not. You report on sports. Go back to The Sports Reporter with Mike Lupica and have a scotch while no one watches your terrible show.

Also, good timeliness, the incident at the Lions game happened two weeks ago.

Don’t mess with the integrity of the game.

September 24, 2009

You mess with the integrity of the game and you’re going to get your ass whooped.

Cuff ’em: Drunk Lions fan.

September 22, 2009

If this were last season, I’d say Lions fans finally have something to cheer for, but they’ve got Mathew Stafford now and could actually win a game this season soooo….. this video is still awesome? Does that work? Yeah? No? Oh. Crud.

Well maybe you shouldn’t get so drunk next time, silly girl. You just know it’s not going to end well annnnnd here come the cuffs. Have fun in Detroit jail! I heard it’s a real friendly place.

Oh, it’s not? Crud.

Robert Henson doesn’t know how to use commas.

September 21, 2009

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The Redskins were able to pull out a 9-7 win over the Rams yesterday after squandering every opportunity for a touchdown in their five trips to the red-zone. Understandably, the Redskins faithful were quite upset with a 2-point win over a team the Seahawks destroyed last week 28-0.

You could hear the boos for the poor performance throughout the second half as the Redskins continued to struggle. After giving the Rams the ball on their own 4-yard line with just a minute left and shutting down Bulger for four more plays, FedEx Field erupted with boos.

The Skins players apparently weren’t happy either. This is where linebacker Robert Henson comes in. I don’t mean to discredit Henson by saying he didn’t do anything else during the game… oh wait, Robert Henson didn’t play.

Henson took to twitter to express his dismay with the crowd at FedEx.

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Clearly, Robert Henson doesn’t know how to use commas, as evidenced by referring to the Redskins players as dim wits. Good work. I see you learned a lot during your time at TCU.

Comcast Sports Net decided to clean up the tweet a little bit. Notice the comma:

Photo courtesy of DC Sports Bog

Photo courtesy of DC Sports Bog

Henson continued his rampage on twitter, shelling out 49 more tweets by the end of the day. Henson tried to apologize but looked even more like a jerk:

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I feel so bad for whoever has to do some spin work at Redskins Park today. Jeez Robert, don’t go to twitter to boo your fans COMMA jackass.

They usually fall when running out of the stadium.

September 15, 2009

[via EDSBS]

Don Fambrough does not like Missouri.

September 11, 2009

We get it: You’re old, you’ll be in a retirement home soon and you use Depends. And you hate Missouri. Thanks Don!

[via Mizzourah]